Hello everyone! I have been gone a while, but it's better that way. For the last month I have been more than desperate to go home, as I have discovered true tica culture and now know that I hate it.
I feel badly publicly admitting that, but it's the truth, and if I'm going to write about my experience here I shouldn't paint everything pink and pretend that I'm not disillusioned by Costa Rica. Now, that's not to say that I haven't had some amazing experiences here, or that I regret coming here even for a second, but it IS to say that I don't think I'll be returning any time soon unless I will be surrounded in the fuzzy comfort of tourism and Americanized values. I had a heart-to-heart with a guy in my class, and he told me that the experiences I've been having with the people here aren't at all normal, yet I keep having them, so I wonder...All I know is that I love Karen to death three times over, but that her warmth, welcoming and positivity are most definitely not ingrained into this culture as spending time with her had led me to believe.
What I have learned about ticos in general is that the older generations thrive on complaining and all generations are irresponsible in the sense that they not only act irresponsibly but they also throw off responsibility and blame on to other people or things. Also, they are wasteful, possibly worse than Americans... O_o; AND YES! Stereotyping is awful and generalizing is dangerous! But when presented with the image of 'eco-friendly' Costa Rica, happiest place on earth (http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/07/05/costa.rica.happy.nation/index.html) I can't help but create a counter-image that is more accurate. Also, many foreigners come here (especially Americans) to live, and I have found them to be pretentious and rude, refusing to learn Spanish many times and acting superior to others, so my judgments aren't directed only at native Costa Ricans.
It makes me wonder 1.) is this REALLY how things are? and 2.) if it isn't (and I certainly hope that it's just my 'mala suerte' that has brought me into contact with these frustrating personalities), where the heck do I find the true heart and soul of Costa Rica, the pura vida that was so attractive to me when I first came here?
I'm crossing my fingers that I'll find it on the vacation I'm taking with my mom (she's coming the 7th, thank goodness!!!!). My guess is that things will be different in another 10-20 years, because listening to a philosophical discussion my bio class had on one of our giras really gave me hope for the future. Those people certainly know what they're talking about when it comes to people and the environment, but I mustn't forget that they're bio people, and I only hope the people not interested in the natural world are also experiencing a change of mindset from the previous generations.
Every time I get frustrated with the people here, I also get frustrated with myself. I really should be more compassionate with the older generation, as I know the machismo (which I've seen to manifest itself as both chauvinism and chivalry while I've been here, generations later) created a culture in which men would abuse women, whether it be their child, their wife, who knows how discriminate they were, they may have extended it full-force to complete strangers. I tell myself I SHOULD be able to endure the same stories, the same complaints, the same gossip over and over...but I just can't. I was definitely much better in the beginning, but I have just been used and abused by the people here and now just feel a strong need for self-preservation. Just because I'm a good listener and speak Spanish doesn't mean I'm a dumping ground for neuroses and negativity, and though I will support a friend through bad times and am always willing to talk things through if it will help, I am not willing to just lie down and take the complaints thrown at me when the situation is inevitable (yes, in Costa Rica it rains a lot, but for some reason rain always elicits long monologues about how terrible it is), the person makes no efforts to fix or change the offending situation, and/or there is no reciprocity in the relationship.
So, if that makes me a bad person, so be it. What I HAVE learned is that I need to work on boundaries. I can't defend myself in Spanish, and I can't turn the conversation around or change the subject (though, trust me, oh how I have tried), but I'm hoping I can take this experience and use it in the future to protect myself when I am armed with my native language. Because I should NOT be harassed into agreeing that all dogs should be poisoned so they'll stop barking after the dog snuck into my room last night (the harasser having locked her out of her room...again) and woke me up at a little past 5 barking and didn't stop until after 7 because she was throwing a hissy fit outside the harasser's room (I'm guessing she turned off her earplugs and left me to be the lucky recipient of the screaming). Seriously, people.
There is my MIA explanation. I have been doing yoga and breathing exercises, and I have been carrying my iPod everywhere to keep me calm, but I honestly can't help but get annoyed sometimes. I generally talk to myself after an especially frustrating experience, and ask if this or that person is 'for real', if they're not some character in a book or movie just being as quirky as possible to attract viewers...So bear with the rest of the blog, not everything is sunshine and daisies but I'll do my best to skim over the negative experiences as much as possible and not dwell/rant while still giving a glimspe of the crazy. Once I get home I'm going to find a treadmill and work through all these dark feelings in a positive way :)
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